www.lovehandlesall.com

Cooper Institute, continued & A lie I can no longer live...

I am living a lie. This lie has been a constant part of my life for years. Most people who know me politely ignore the lie when asked; it is fairly obvious. Honesty is a necessary component of my recovery from compulsive overeating. However, first things first...

Yesterday, I was too tired to write about my experience at the Cooper Institute at the Cooper Aerobics facility in Dallas. I was at Cooper to participate in VO2 Max test. The VO2 tests an individual's aerobic threshold providing a baseline to systematically train at the optimum level. What do they do: You either run on a treadmill or ride the exercise bike. With flabby skin around my belly running was out. I started off on the exercise bike accompanied by a medley of Axl Rose's best hits. How do they measure? You were a device on your head that captures your inhalation and exhalation. They clip your nose so no cheating and no grabbing the water bottle. This is just you and the bike on the toughest hill you will ever face. They also tested my lactate levels which began the whole process. Nothing like getting my skin pricked and seeing blood. I hate needles. Thank god that my obesity never manifested into diabetes. I hate needles. I would make one lousy junky.

The test began once a baseline blood draw established my beginning lactic acid levels. Stage's 1 & 2 lasted about 4 minutes total. Spinning, RPM, class paid off. I kept a steady cadence of roughly 95+ RPM. My lactic acid levels were checked during the interval of each stage while the testing team also verified how I felt (point on the chart 1=This is nothing...10=No more. Just get a bed and a margarita).

Just like any trip to the doc's this involved getting my weight and height. My weight's fluctuated between 185-193 since I purchased a digital scale. Damn the accuracy. My height is another matter. I have lived a lie. I am not the strapping 5'11" that I claim. No, I am actually 5' 9 1/4". It just isn't going to happen where I will ever be as tall as my father or brother. That's the lie I have been living.

The computer adds resistance following the transition of each stage. I ended up lasting about 18:30 minutes. Is this a long time or a short time? Who knows and who cares. My output was half of Lance Armstrong's! I am astonished. My resting heart rate is just as low as his -- even more astonished! I do know that I have come a long way in over eighteen months. According to Polar's Heart monitor chart I have gone from level 1 to a Level 5 out of 6 in terms of fitnes ability. I may not win any races but I will damn sure be competitive. That's winning in my book. I make time in my schedule to exercise nearly every day. Today was an exception. I attended a power yoga class last night after the VO2 test. Power Yoga calms me while providing a wonderful way to round out my training. I needed a day off. I am sore. A muscle cramp in my right quad woke me up early this morning. Yes, I am wimp. Another reason I am glad to be a man. I could not endure the agony of childbirth.

Now that I have the testing data from the VO2 coupled with an updated Resting Metabolic test, performed by Kim Wical earlier this week at Hillcrest, I know two great truths. VO2 = I know where I need to train to get better in shape while building more lean muscle. Resting Metabolic data lets me know just how many calories I need to consume daily. I was getting my protein in but my calorie intake was 600 -700 under what it needs to be. Remember, this is my journey and not medical advice for anyone else. I rely upon the expertise of various doctors, dietitians, and exercise physiologists to guide me.

This test was a touchstone. I do not have any immediate plans to run a 10k but I can at least train with that goal in mind. I am training for life. During my theater training, a voice teacher used this analogy to describe a diligent work ethic, "A friend of mine dances ballet. She is a master ballerina but every day she still does her bar routine. Every day. Holidays, vacations. Every day. She says that if she misses a day she can tell the difference. After two days, the dance company will notice. Three days, the audience." Exercise and diet are our ballet bar or piano scales. Pick your analogy.

A woman of stunning beauty was a member of the the VO2 testing team . My first reaction upon seeing her, "I am going to embarrass myself in front of this woman. She knows nothing about obesity or body issues." I immediately labeled her just as people used to label me when I was heavy. I owe her an apology for making this assumption. That assumption was where my mind was at the time. In that moment, my disease, my compulsive overeating, had me. She is nothing like I imagined and everything people hope to find in others: funny, charming, a good person. I am grateful to her and everyone else at Cooper for their support. I am also grateful to my RPM friends in Waco: Dave, Susan, Conan, Morgan, Ashley, and Amy. We all care about each other's success.

I need to remember the advice of another friend who told me that he lives by the premise that gossip stops at his lips. Just like gossip, bad thoughts/intentions need to stop with me before they start.

Two women I met at Cooper took time to look at my website. We talked about our shared experiences with weight, food, and overeating. One struggles with OA just like me. Another, has a tough time getting through her workouts. I struggle constantly with both. Taking helped. By adding someone else to our circle we gain more perspective. Bill W. was onto something. While I am a Friend of Ben & Jerry's, the AA premise is the root of Overeater's Anonymous.

The Waco Tribune ran a great article yesterday about the people's relationship with food. I encourage you to read Wendy Gragg's article (see link below).

Through sharing our experiences we endure.

Mark

http://www.cooperlabs.org/12.html

http://www.wacotrib.com/featr/content/features/stories/2007/01/23/01232007wacblweight.html

Cooper Institute

Underwent a fitness evaluation at Cooper Fitness. They, plus yoga this evening, wore me out. I will elaborate soon.

RPM/Weights/Power Yoga

Going to the gym is part of my daily routine. I attend RPM (Spinning) classes on a regular basis. My friend Dave, got me addicted to this class almost a year ago. The class rides for an hour in semi-darkness to various tracks of music while our instructor persuades us to challenge ourselves. I wear my heart monitor during classes. RPM delivers the most bang in cardio. I typically burn around 700 calories over a forty-five minute period while my pulse averages about 140+ BPM.

Weights are also another part of the routine. My equipment at home works well but does not offer the intensity of the equipment at Gold's. Champ, one of the instructors at the gym (call her Rock-star), gave me a break down of the various machine weights. Weights, just likes scales, do not  lie. I now have a much better grasp of what work needs to occur if I wish to attain my goals.

Attended my first yoga class in years. Most acting students have taken yoga, movement, Pilate's, Alexander, dance, and Tai Chi. When I was an actor, I took all of these classes. I vividly remember my first experience with serious yoga poses. Wesley Fata, a master teacher at Yale, told my summer class daily that "Our body doesn't lie. Your body is your temple." His mantra is the inspiration for several of the shirts in my store. Today was my first true yoga class in over eight years. I do not know how it happened, but my flexibility is greater now than ever before. Even with all my weight I remained limber. I have not made any effort to stretch regularly but have noticed a marked improvement in my flexibility. During class my mind kept racing back to that summer in New Haven and the following summer in Williamstown. I fought my body all those years ago. Today, when a pose was too difficult I just laughed, breathed, and let the pose and stretch find me.

My goals are relatively simple. Running is too difficult because of the flopping of some loose skin. Gross, but true. RPM pushes me to push myself. I remember not being able to finish my cycling merit badge. That memory propels me during every class. I could never really do pull-ups or push-ups. Then again, I never made the attempt to put in the work. It was my eleventh hour lazy way of expecting success without the work. What are your goals? My simple goals are aspects of larger life-ambitions. Each aspect builds upon the next part of the plan. I know now that the path toward my end results will most likely contain divergent routes than originally planned.

Body for Life: Day 4

Still feeling the effects of my Monday's upper body workout.

Today is a cardio day. I had a strong desire to sweat this afternoon so I went to a Spinning, RPM, class at the new Gold's Gym in Waco. Morgan class was fantastic tonight. We had a pretty full group. Spinning is a longer workout than BFL requires but I love it.

I wear a heart-rate monitor to maximize my cardio workouts keeping my pulse in the upper levels of my aerobic zone before going ana-aerobic. This philosophy of aerobic training is what helped Mark Allen capture six Ironman wins in Hawaii. Check his website for more information:

http://www.markallenonline.com/heartrate.asp

Bison & Ostrich

One of the challenges I face, all dieters face, is the dilemma of what to eat when you dine out. The problem of obesity in America, is forcing restaurants to offer more healthy items on their menus. Who knew that in the wake of the documentary Super Size Me, McDonald's would become the largest seller of salads in the country. Doesn't matter. I avoid the golden arches. One of the first items of real food I could eat post-surgery was Wendy's Chilli. It serves a purpose when other options are not available. I avoid fast food altogether.

Restaurants are waking up. Fuddruckers now offers Bison and Ostrich Burgers. Both are perfect sizes for me, 1/3 pound, and I order them without the bun. Ted Turner's restaurant group, Ted's Montana Grill, has yet to open in Texas. Their menu of comfort foods, well-priced, is either an Angus or Bison option. My favorite is the Bison meatloaf. I eat half with the squash casserole and take the rest home. Until they open a location in Texas, I will continue buying bison meat at the grocery store and making it myself.

One thing about healthy eating: You learn how to cook.

135 Prime

With as little as I eat, I want high-quality delicious food that provide the most nutrients.

A NEW DISCOVERY IN WACO: 135 Prime in Hewitt

Mike Copeland's article in the Waco Tribune (see link below) was dead-on! 135 Prime is an amazing restaurant for eveyone. I've eaten there a few times since it opened as have a number of my friends. They loved the steaks. I devoured the Medallions appetizer with amazing polenta. The best thing I've eaten there besides the polenta, beef medallions and duck, I have yet to try the Rib-eye, Veal, or the Kobe, is the Sea Bass. I love good Sea Bass! 135 Prime's Sea Bass is the best version I've eaten since I studied abroad in England in 1996. Actually, I still carry the business card in my wallet from that restaurant their fish was so good. This is better.

135 Prime (www.135prime.com)

1201 Hewitt Drive, Westrock Centre
Waco, TX  76712
254-666-3100

Waco Trib link: http://www.wacotrib.com/biz/content/business/stories/2007/01/07/01072007waccopecolumn.html

Body for Life Challenge: Day 1

This morning I began a new journey. I am attempting to compete in Bill Phillip's "Body for Life Challenge." I got up early to excercise. Today's workout demanded intense upper body work.

My arms were so sore I could barely lift them when I got into the shower. Success only comes before work in the dictionary.

One day down, only eighty-four days to go.

Love Handles All

My name is Mark, and I am a compulsive overeater. Imagine a man who, at his peak,weighed in at over five hundred pounds. I could eat a nightly dinner of two large pasta entrees with breadsticks, drink two-liters of soda, and still have room for some larger than life coffee shop pastries. Eating too fast exacerbated my acid reflux, so I ate slowly,savoring every depressing bite. Although my weight has been a struggle most of my life,it evolved into compulsive overeating when I began driving. For the next ten years, theanonymity of the drive-thru was one of my primary enablers. Unlike girlfriends, or the acting jobs I lost because of my weight, or the fat-guy roles I won, food was always there. Eventually, due in part to my unhappiness with my weight, I left my steady acting career in New York. Food was my salvation when I was unable to make other choices, and I always felt it was a better choice than drinking or drugs. At parties in college, I would nurse the same beer for hours. As the parties ended, I would inevitably volunteer to drive those craving munchies to Taco Bell. They would order one burrito while I bought ten. It didn’t even matter that I may not have been hungry; it was simply an opportunity to eat. People have amazing instincts for creating self-fulfilling prophecies. After beginning my new career in Texas at my family’s manufacturing company, I became determined to conquer my weight problem. Counseling helped me chip away the layers of baggage I shouldered. I had been diagnosed with dyslexia in elementary school. During my counseling we began to recognize a pattern of behavior associated with Attention Deficit Disorder. For the next few years, winning the fight to live with ADD but losing my battle over food caused me intense frustration. I lost weight with the helpof Weight Watchers, but the yo-yo effect of dieting consistently reversed my progress. Ikept searching for options, secretly praying that I would never get to the point wheregastric bypass surgery was my only option. Frequent traveling for work meant limited physical activity and many nights in hotels with easy access to room service. Full-servicehotels quickly joined drive-thru windows in our codependency waltz. I hit bottom in May of 2005 on a business trip to Las Vegas. It took years before I finallyrecognized how I abused food. A month later I underwent gastric bypass surgery. After the procedure, I had to relearn how to eat. I still am no longer physically able to eat likebefore. My stomach was reduced to size of a newborn infant's, capable of holding only a few ounces. The surgery removed my physical appetite but did not diminish the mental cravings. Sure, I could try to overeat, but my new stomach always won. I am only able to consume what food I need as fuel. Fatty foods, fried foods, anything with highamounts of sugar, or carbonation all make me ill even eighteen months after surgery. My physical cravings for food disappeared, and the weight melted away. Each morning’s visit to the scale was a wonderful discovery. The first two hundred pounds were the easy part. Eventually, I began replacing my desire to eat with better choices. I attack the treadmill with the same vigor I formerly reserved for a bag of chips. Today, I understand how my ADD fed my compulsive overeating. As my struggle continued and my depression grew, my burgeoning girth led to regular humiliations: ill-fitting clothes stained from hemorrhoidsspilled food, incontinence, acid reflux, seat belt extensions on airplanes, even separating commode from a wall. As my eating and weight escalated, I began to recognize my behavior. In front of others. I never truly overate to the extreme of my private eating. I allowed obesity to isolate me into a shadow’s existence. Food was the best thing in my life and the worst part of my life. I lived to eat and ate to hide. I researched the surgical options for years before admitting that surgery was the only choice left other than early death. My blood pressurehad never been higher than 130 over 70, my cholesterol had never topped 180, and I had avoided diabetes, but I was tempting fate. My numbers today are much improved, as is my drop in suit sizes from an 86 to a 42 regular. I no longer require any asthma medication whatsoever. Taking control of my weight, aided by surgery and Overeaters Anonymous, has given me the serenity to accept certain aspects of my life that I cannot change, the courage to make the changes necessary for me to thrive, and the wisdom to know the difference. I no longer beat myself up about the years I lost to obesity. For the first time in my life, I am on the thin side of height-weight proportionality. My waist issmaller than when I was 14 and my Boy Scout Troop 497 backpacked to Philmont Scout Ranch. The only difference is that I am healthy and happy. Obesity is no longer my security blanket. I force myself to confront my demons and my dreams, looking deep within to understand the choices that made me eclipse 525 poundsas well as the choices that help me maintain my current weight of less than 200. My overeating was indicative of an over-indulging that manifested itself throughout my life. Losing weight physically was never achievable until I lost weight mentally. My recovery from compulsive overeating is a day-to-day journey. I yearn to transcend my tremendousambition with equal achievement. Through overcoming my own adversities, I am far more capable of empathizing with the struggles of others than if I had been thin my whole life. If you are struggling with an eating disorder; have body image issues; are scared; feel out of control; or, are trying to live day to day -- You are not alone. I've been there. I live day to day. You can find inner strength. It takes time. Having learned to accept and love myself as I am, I now know that love handles all.