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37 INCHES!

I've lost 37 INCHES off my upper body! I couldn't bend to reach parts of my lower body before the surgery so I neglected to measure. The doctor's office took some of those so I will post following my Tuesday appointment.

37 INCHES! 37 INCHES! Shalom Harlow, whom I've met, could swim inside those lost 37 inches with room to spare! Lindsay Lohan could hold a grudge match inside those lost inches. Paris Hilton and her dog could swim inside that space.

The first 37 inches down, a beached whale still to go!

Best Tasting Food Eaten this week...

During my liquid diet I ate (drank) some of the following:

Crystal Light Tea

Pudding

& Jello

As the work wore on I added Saltines, Runny Mashed Potatoes, & Bush's Refried Beans. Nothing tastes so good as saltines and refried beans and mashed potatoes! I can't wait until food is actually food again.

One Week Out

Surgery was a week ago Tuesday. I've eaten so little food this last week. Actually, I ate little the last week before the surgery. I'd like to step on the scale but will wait to weigh during my doctor's visit next week.

The pain's been minimal. The boredom is the only thing. Before, when I got bored, I ate. Now, I am unable to act so indulgently. How much more productive is my life becoming since I am no longer able to "feed the need" as I once did?

Hamlet

Before the good doctor gave me the drugs to knock me out, he was telling me about a film he always like with Peter Sellers. The Seller's character quotes Hamlet, but he could not remember the soliloquoy.

So, I am lying on the operating table moments away from the drugs and began reciting the lines, "To be or not to be..."

An odd choice of words to speak when about to undergo surgery. Is this irony or a metaphor?

Post hoc ergo proctor hoc...

Well, not really. But the surgery was four days ago. Sluggish, tired, with little humor for noise temper my mood at times. Other times I feel bloated. My mood changes often.

I eat the liquid diet, well try to eat it, but no desire to eat. The highlight of my days are the three saltine crackers I eat with some yogurt or pudding. Saltines never tasted better.

One day I may be rid of my Nexium and Gas-X, but they are my constant companions.

Probably will post later, now I am in a shit mood. Too tired to nap and too bloated to break wind enough. I long for the quiet of the ocean when scuba diving.

Too much too soon, and no appetite for anything

Too much too soon and not an appetite in site today. Everyone who had the surgery told me I would have zero appetite for a while. Well, I have zero appetite.

My diet today consisted of a liter of water, little sips all day long. Some jello. Little bites all day long. A nexium and a Gas X. God bless the purple pill!

Must run away now. I have a few hours to try and drink some mushroom broth.

Two days post

Surgery day + two days.

The incisions are hardly noticeable. Spent last night at home and began healing. Surgery day, and + 1, I'll write about that experience later.

Some oberservations...Gas X is a godsend! Cramps and bloating are different. Strangely, I don't feel hungry at all. I try to make myself sip every fifteen minutes but I don't feel hungry. No desire to eat isn't so bad.

Morning of Surgery

Well, the morning of surgery has finally arrived. The nurses were right that I would not sleep at all the night before. With all the water I drank the last few days, I ran a marathon just going to whiz.

My bag was packed two days ago. In my mind, the surgery happened two weeks ago.

With nerves of steel, your adorable anti-hero treds onward. Before I felt like Cervantes, jousting windmills. This surgery will help me finally be able to slay the real dragon.

Today is not the end result. The end result is still years down the road; after marriage; kids; eight years in Whitehouse; book deals;  and the peace of fly fishing in retirement.

Those ideas are in no particular order. Onward I go...

College World Series

Congratulations to the Lady Wolverines on winning the College World Series! GO BLUE!

The only thing better than the Wolverines winning...not sure? If I were a brave man, meeting the pitching coach for the Lady Bears softball team might be better.

If she likes reading books and traveling, we might be a match. If she is married, congrats to her hubby and I will shut up now.

PS: Being fat has nothing to with being a wimp. I am just another hopeless man.

Pre-surgery meals

Down twenty pounds on the pre-surgery diet. Ate two cups of jello, one cup of yummy broth (taste shitty, but god love the salt in it), and a couple of gallons of water.

All this water? I really hope they don't have to give me a cathether. A fat man with his hanging out of a hospital gown is bad enough.